this is my confession angel.. lets not make too much about it...

I am so done with this being friends only sometimes.. It shouldn't be weird..

I am a human.. I have complicated thoughts.

I hurt, I ache.. I eat too much fast food and spend too much time reading news on google.

I am just me. I am tired of ever thinking I should be anything else. I talk too much and I love far too deeply.

I cry for people I have never met and children I have never seen. I am an overly empathetic pile of human.

I just want to be done sometimes. Its so messed up, because I love life and I love my life.. but I just want to be done with it.

I talk too much about stupid shit and I tell people things I should just keep to myself.. like my bowel problems.

I want this to be friends only.... but I tire of the anxiety that plagues my life... I want to be free to just be..

I want to move back to Portland worse then I have wanted anything in a long time. that town is like oxygen to me. Its hard to explain.. and maybe it wont work this time.. but as Jane Siberry says.. thats the risk you take and you want to take it.

I miss him.... and i dont even know him.. but really hes an old soul.. a kindred... i cant ignore my own gut instincts as messed up and complicated as they seem. I have to always follow my heart or I will do nothing but live a life of regret and if I were to die tomorrow.. i can at very least say.. I trusted myself. I loved with all i had and I went for it.. even when it seemed impossible..


I love all my friends and my family and i am hurting something awful tonight. ... something awful.. for myself.. for my dreams.. for my health... for people in New orleans and surrounding areas.. government conspriacy or not.... i still hurt for them.. every now and again something moves me to tears.. something not directly corrolated to my life... and this is just one of those times. I am glued to this story...

so..i'm crying..but im human and i think its past time i accept this...